And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
