I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
