I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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