i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
