if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
