if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
