Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
