and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
