I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
