he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I miss vodka workout Fridays
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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