Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
