White coat. Heels.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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