so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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