she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
