Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
