I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
