The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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