Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize