Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
