2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
