he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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