I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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