he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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