Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize