No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
