i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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