Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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