When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
