i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
