I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
