well I can't set my house on fire every night
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
