Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize