i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
