Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
