just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
why is half of my head shaved?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
