But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize