i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
