i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
