I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
