I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
