i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
