I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I can text with my tongue
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
