Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
The ass gains better be worth it
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