he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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