do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
