I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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