I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
It's Friday. Sex?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
