His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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