Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
