Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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