Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
