Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
