come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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