I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We don't watch enough power rangers
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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