Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
