I think I am morally bankrupt
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
