Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
