so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
