you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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