Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
