I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
