Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize