drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
please come you make the beer taste better
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Randomize
