just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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