Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Pants are for mortals
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
