i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
