Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
