then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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