By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
pop tarts are not kleenex
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
