I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
