Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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