Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
