he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
