Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize