Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
