I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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