I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
