i will never coherently bang her
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
